Welcoming in 2025 seemed a little different from previous years. I always find it an interesting concept the New Years Celebration. There are many feelings that surface around this time of year and it had me reflecting once again. The fascination of endings and beginnings. Symbolically that is after all what shifting into a new year is all about. Yet arguably, every single day holds a new beginning and an ending, every moon cycle and phase, every birthday, every decision or change, so why does this specific time of year hold such a significant importance. For most of my life, I have always loved this time of year, well most times of year but for the simple reason as we enter into summer, there is often an association with a holiday or what was commonly known as a well-deserved break and then all the learnings from the year past, all the things that did and didn’t work has a chance to be reflected on and a chance to sit in possibility again. The first few weeks, you see all the new year’s goals in full force. People out exercising, new ideas and creations coming out. And then a few weeks later we hit this moment, the back to reality moment. That moment where we desperately try to cling onto these goals as everything else around us starts gaining momentum and reality of everyday living comes into full force.
Sound familiar?
This patterning seems all but common and I have lived this reality time and time again. There seems to be a little bit of pressure with the new year’s resolutions and intention setting and then even with the best of intentions the underlying pressure of the follow through. What is it we are really telling ourselves as we enter into a new year. Are we in theory reflecting on all that has arisen in the past year, looking at where we are at and simply shifting forward with this ideal of constant improvement and betterment. Are we disappointed by the year that has past and looking to live differently. OR are we simply motivated because its holiday time and it’s the first time in a long time we have the space to action all the things we really wish we could be incorporating in our everyday lives? Bit of everything I imagine. But what is truly underpinning these actions? For some, simply the desire to be motivated and healthy. For others it may come from a deeper undertone that is actually reflecting on a state of being and not being happy with where you’re at. So, I question, are these intentions coming from a place that is actually saying I’m not satisfied, happy, healthy or motivated? I say this because a lot of my intention setting in the past has come from a place where I longed for things that I didn’t have in my own existence. I kept dreaming of different realities. And although that is important, dreams and ambitions and goals are, it’s important to look at the place they are stemming from. Also, as a result of these goal setting, I would find myself being quite disappointed or self-critical when I couldn’t maintain what I had set out too. And sometimes, it’s just not a reality. But this year for me I went in a little differently. No expectations just a deep sense of trust in all that was unfolding.
I had a great conversation with a good friend of mine as we neared the end of the year. To summarise he asked me in 5 years from now if we were sat here again what would I want to be different. I sat in thought for a long while. My mind went on tangents with all the external factors that had driven me in the past (relationships, finances, land/house, etc etc) but I replied sincerely, I told him absolutely nothing. In that moment, I needed for nothing. My cup was full. I was sat in a beautiful spot, listening to the sound of the cicadas and birdsong, sun was shining, breeze in the air, good friends and conversation and even if I changed all those external factors, I would still be just as happy sitting in that moment as I would ever be. Suddenly the value of my heart was realised. I was no longer in ‘need’ of all those things, I was happy, l was loved, I was connected, and I was complete just being ME. I had an underpinning faith and trust that the rest would align exactly as it was meant to, and I had no doubt that all the dreams of my past would come into alignment in time.
I share this moment as it reminded me of a presence in life that had so often been missed, chasing the next moment. looking to improve (or prove), looking for love (outside not within), trying to make sense of a world (that simply may not need to be made sense of). There was so much looking out that I missed the moments. So many moments. Despite having this realisation, I am only human, and as the year kicked off, I was soon impacted by the start of a new chapter. Met with much excitement which at times threw out this balance I had been spending so much of my last year working on. All essential in this journey of healing and life that I am choosing.
The year for me started with a balance between the two worlds. One that I have always known to be so and one that I am learning to find my way in. On one hand there is the safe and familiar from everything I have always known and that at times is more enticing. It is safe, familiar and equally I have spent years and years of development into that space. Now I’m not trying to forget anything, it’s just I feel to rewrite a different path, it needs to come from a different lense and a willingness to be okay with change, and not knowing, trusting and at the same time intentionally following my heart and intuition to create pathways I believe in. I have always naturally found my feet, trusted my instincts and navigated this world through my curiosity and learning and a willingness to fail, to grow and to evolve. This I value highly. But what I didn’t expect in starting this year is as I began to shift into the flow in which everything was unfolding, I found myself with a heightened tendency and desire to push, to make things happen, and ultimately to distract myself from some of this unknown territory I have decided to embark on. It’s such a balancing act and at times I just sit back and laugh and remember that I have much to learn. I have good days and bad days, I have days where I really want to go back to the familiar safety net that I had spent so many years creating and I equally have days of courage and enthusiasm that tells myself I can live in this realm of possibility and rather than dream the dreams, live them. It’s the difference between the wanting of things and the loving of all things you already have in your existence. As I continue to navigate this path in front of me, I am gaining a heightened consciousness of some of the pre-formed habits that I had created. It’s these tendencies, the safe the familiar but also the apparent perfectionism, control and stress that can escalate with the very detailed quick-thinking mind that exists. I am reminding myself to breath, to take moments, to allow and to really zone into how I am feeling.
I started this new year with a new job. Particularly after my last year of being unable to work it was met with great excitement. Quickly what was a simple and very enjoyable, flexible and manageable role turned into me volunteering to get more involved. I see the potential in something, and I can’t help myself at times. Yet even in this unfolding, the universe reminded me to slow down. Entering this year, I was feeling great, my body was well rested, my head felt like it was no longer dominating my existence, and I entered into a new territory. Suddenly the comfortable world of balance and harmony I had been creating shifted to a greater speed and WOW did I feel that. After my induction, I crashed, almost like a 2 day hang over. This was normal in the earlier months, when I pushed it a bit, I had to restore the balance, but having not had those symptoms so strongly for a long while it felt concerning to me. It isn’t, it is just my body adapting to this new environment, it’s my mind discovering new pathways and it’s me adjusting to these changes. Simultaneously I saw this flare up as a gift, a reminder of the importance of putting myself first in the equation as opposed to the equation first and me second. This compromise, this approach, is how I have lived my life up until this point and these reminders, this concussion, is supporting me in the realisation of how important it is to take care of YOU. If I don’t set my own foundations first, then what I can do becomes limited. So, my approach this year has been like that of a Turtle, Slow and Steady and going with the flow. I have ensured I take several moments throughout the day to maintain my balance. I am contracting but with boundaries that are placing emphasis on things I value and the work I am aligning with is because it aligns with these values and the aspirations of my heart.
This year I set no new intentions as we welcomed in the new year, instead I continued those I had previously set last year and although the details, the ‘how’, is not clear, for the first time in my life I am feeling ready. If January is anything to go on, I am excited for all the possibilities that this year may hold.
